zubat:

I really, really hate how awful I am in regards to keeping in contact with others. I want healthy and fulfilling relationships with my friends, but it’s very hard for me to wholly invest myself. I want to talk to you, but it’s difficult for me to muster the energy to do so sometimes. I want to hang out with you, but isolation also sounds nice right now. I’ll read your texts, but I’m not necessarily in the mood to reply at the moment. Then I feel anxious attempting to reach out when I do have the energy and I am in a good mood because I feel like I pushed you away and you dislike me now, so I usually remain isolated. I feel selfish because of it. And I feel like a bad friend.

I never think of someone as being less of a friend just because I haven’t seen or spoken to them in a while. I can think of people who I’ve not seen in years who I know if I saw them again I’d feel like no time had passed and we could just pick up and be just the same as we were before. But then I also feel very keenly that I don’t want to expose people to too much of me because the more people see of me the less they’ll want to see, for sure, lol.