I wanted to make this post yesterday itself but it got very late and I was incredibly tired myself. But last night I saw a post made by @harry-matthew and I was immediately intrigued because I saw someone else who was feeling the same things as I was. I’m 21 now (wahoo) and I’ve not yet been kissed or have had a boyfriend. And it’s something that may be a huge deal to some people and yet also be something ordinary. And a lot of people reblogged the posts in yesterdays discussion and I actually checked peoples tags and it was overwhelming to see people in the same boat as me and people who want to speak of it.
So here it is guys. If you’ve not been in a relationship or haven’t been kissed, that is O K A Y. I feel like there is a lot of pressure from not only society but friends around you to already have someone in your life when you’re 20+. It’s somehow assumed that you’ve been kissed or that you have a boyfriend without even being asked because that seems to be how society nowadays work. And although (i sincerely hope not) people around us don’t shame us for not having those experiences I feel a huge about of pressure either way. It’s somehow become a burden to me, like I need to have a boyfriend or be kissed just because it’s some ‘milestone’ and in all honesty after 5-6 years of listening to this crap, I can honestly tell you it’s absolute bullshit.
If you are 13 or 19, or 25 or 36 or whatever and have yet to be kissed or have a relationship, that is absolutely fine. Do not for a second think you have to go and do those things to ‘fit in’ or get that ‘experience’. Do it in your own time and your own pace, if you aren’t comfortable with it as of yet, then guess what you don’t have to do it. You don’t needed to kiss someone to feel ‘complete’, when it happens it happens and if it’s yet to happen then there is a reason for it.
Personally a few weeks back when my friend broke up with her boyfriend she turned to me and said ‘I’m afraid of being alone now’. And I turned to her and said ‘I’ve been single for 20 years and you are as alone as you make yourself be’. You are never ever alone, having a boyfriend/girlfriend may give you someone in your life but for me you need to be happy in your own company to truly be happy. If you’re worried about being alone then seriously don’t be, because once you find happiness in yourself having a boy/girl in your life won’t make a difference to how you truly feel.
And the last thing I’m going to say is that yes there’s huge pressures out there, and someway along the line society now looks at virgins as being ‘prudes’ or ‘frigid’ but they fail to see other reasons behind their choices. So fuck society, you do what makes you happy, if you wanna be single you be single. If you want to go out to the clubs and kiss a boy/girl you go do that, you do what makes you happy. That is all that matters, and always remember that there is nothing wrong at all with waiting for someone who you wish to invest your time into 🙂
I feel like this is really important, cos we see so much about slut-shaming these days but sometimes even people who decry it will go on to virgin-shame. If you don’t feel comfortable performing a particular sexual act – especially if it’s one that’s very common and “normal” – you can face a lot of stigma and ridicule, even from people who really should know better. Just because you’ve not had (m)any sexual partners doesn’t mean you’re setting feminism back by decades/not a ~real man~.
I could lead this into my big rant about how the legitimisation and assimilation of pornography into mainstream life is perpetuating lad culture (and, by extension, rape culture) but I’ll leave it lol.
suchasinistergame 