When your child says “Why can’t I get a puppy?”
Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules”
Try “Any pet is a lot of responsibility. A puppy would have to be fed, walked, and taken outside to use the bathroom several times a day and taken for regular check-ups and vaccinations at the vet. You can’t do all of that by yourself, and I/we don’t have the time or money either.”
When your teenager says “Why can’t I come home at 2:00 this Saturday?”
Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”
Try “The time you come home is a matter of respect and consideration. I/We will not only be concerned for your safety, but we would either be disturbed in the middle of the night when you arrive or forced to stay up for several extra hours waiting.”
When your child says “Why am I not allowed to do this thing?”
Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”
Try actually communicating a legitimate reason, because children pick up on subtlety and on context and on the unspoken messages, and it’s better to teach children lessons like “You should think really hard before taking on new responsibilities” and “It’s important to show consideration for the needs of the people with whom you share a living space” than lessons like “It’s okay for people to demand your absolute obedience so long as you’re dependent on them for survival.”
yupppppp
100%. Saying “My house my rules” just tells young people that rules are arbitrary and the result of anyone’s whims at any time. It frames everything as a battle that they probably never expect to win. So maybe they stop asking for chances, and miss out on things they could achieve (or even just enjoy) in life. My parents were like this, and so even now if I ask someone for something and they agree, I feel a tremendous burden of guilt, like I’ve been granted a huge privilege that I’d better not take for granted, because it’s only a coincidence that I’m being allowed it and next time I might not be so lucky.
suchasinistergame 