pitcherplant:

jonlovett:

mustangsally78:

harriet-spy:

ghislainem70:

fuckyeahfightlock:

conversationswithjohnlock:

kimthreerings:

dadvans:

grassfire:

but all people have weird ideas about sex and how it’s done, it’s not a limited population category thing. women are copping the brunt of this dumb discourse because the discoursees are applying some really shallow readings to content on two sites, where the content is generated by women by a huge margin over any other gender, and making some hogwild logical leaps to end up endlessly circling the mlm discourse echochamber.

occasionally you’ll luck out by bedding some fuck shaman who opens your third eye through the power of labe grinding your armpit or whatever, but Regular Guy and Population Median Woman probably know diddly shit beyond PIV and anal on birthdays. sex ed sucks beyond ‘don’t do it/this is a condom on a banana/from the front the uterus-womb-ovary complex looks like a buffalo kinda’, live action porn is stuck in a one-upmanship overton window shift (except, y’know, for sex), and sex positive material online is like a infinite house of mirrors except every reflection shows you erica moen advising you to stick a lamp up your ass

and that’s just the cisgender hets bumbling their way around. 

finding out info about what the hell to do and how to do it if you’re gay is hard, and damn near impossible if you’re not cis and probably juggling an extra course load of terminology, body perception, and having to do a 101 How Not To Talk About My Junk to every Brock and Chriss on Scruff.

when all the material out there is basically boiling down getting that dick into a hole as the ultimate goal, it’s a wonder that anyone is even writing anything other than ‘he shoved it in, he came’. 1-2-3-dick is formulaic but man, that it’s even around enough to become formulaic is new. 

‘straight girls write anal wrong! they don’t know anything about anal!’ well i mean without getting into the whole thing of yes it’s possible to have comfortable anal penetration with spit, yes it’s possible to have comfortable anal penetration with nil or extremely fast minor fingering, no your o-ring will not blow out and prolapse if you take a pounding without 40 minutes of getting tenderly fingered with free trade lube handmade by monks in the peruvian alps, etc etc etc (i.e. every thing some sanctimonious chucklefuck will grandly declare as absolutes) but lmao women absolutely know about anal. a quick glimpse at cosmo magazine will tell you that. a quick glimpse at fuckin’ pornhub will tell you that. straight women do anal, lesbians do anal. every population microselection you can name has been getting pleasure from the asshole for as long as human beings have had assholes!!!

‘straight girls only write about penetration! real gay people frot and grind!’ again: PIV/PIA is everywhere. EVERYWHERE! gay porn is penetration focused! straight porn is penetration focused! romance stories with a regulation fade to black cut imply penetration! the popular concept of what constitutes sex itself is based on penetration! you can’t get furious at someone for doing a thing when everything around them is doing the same thing!

everyone is stupid about sex. sometimes people get less stupid. sometimes people get brave enough to actually ask for what they want. i really can’t fault anyone for not having every intricacy of boning nailed down straight out of the gate but if the alternate is going ‘women are harming me by not faithfully depicting ultimate best practice safe sex in their fiction written for the purpose of hopefully getting the reader off, and for that sin they’re all b*tches who will never understand what it’s like to be sexualised or objectified 😦 :(*’ then god, just end it. 

anyway i got totally off track from your ask, but yes, 100% i am supportive of more sexual education that isn’t based solely around cis bodied reproduction and how to avoid it/recognise it, but amatuer erotica is not the venue to get educated and it’s unreasonable to demand that it should be en masse. that doesn’t mean people can’t strive for good practice and authenticity or whatever. if it works for you then shit yeah, make gloving up a feature, go nuts, the only way to normalise something is by including it, but the smarmy attitude of ‘if you don’t include items a through f, practices 1 through 4 and do my towers of hanoi puzzle to decode the Problematic Content Of The Day then you’re a homophobe who is actively hurting and fetishising smol mlm beans and you deserve to be hounded’ is just… nah. nah, nah. nah.

you know, this entire slashcourse could be cut off at the knees if every time someone said ‘but no REAL gay man writes x, y, z’ their browser was force directed to nifty.org with a posting ban until they do a book report on a randomly selected story.

*’women don’t understand sexual objectification’ is a phrase i read with my own gay eyes on a yaoicourse blog and i had to stare out of the window for a while to absorb the goddamn

audacity of it.

I feel like god personally came down from heaven and kissed me on the mouth with tongue when reading this, this is poetry, this is modern art, if no other document makes it past the burning of our libraries and the fall of society, I hope this is preserved somewhere for someone or something to find in the inevitable ruins

So the thing I find fascinating about this, is that I feel like I’ve been around fandom long enough to have seen this whole thing come full circle.  Back when I first started reading slash the sex was often fairly unrealistic.  And then there was a BIG BIG BIG push by people within fandom to mock any unrealistic sex tropes, ESPECIALLY in slash fics.  I remember post after post about “Things I Never Want to Read in Slash Again” about how much preparation anal sex requires and the wonders of lube and how unrealistic simultaneous orgasms are, how sex can’t really last that long etc, etc.   

And this really seemed to take hold.  I would occasionally see people mention things like “well this fic has them come at the same time but otherwise, it’s pretty good.”  It was very much a Thing.  

And personally I became very self-conscious about writing sex to make sure I wasn’t breaking any of those rules.  Even the ones I didn’t completely agree with I made sure to follow because I didn’t want anyone dismissing my fic on that basis.  

But things started to feel very formulaic to the other extreme.  Every slash fic had to be very careful not to make anal the be-all end-all, and make sure there’s endless preparation with gallons of lube and blah, blah, and yanno, it gets kinda boring.  

And real, actual sex varies.  A LOT.  By person, by couple, by day, by taste.  I mean, I’ve actually gone and researched some stuff for fics of like biological function of male orgasms and stuff and it’s way more weird and complicated than the “acceptable slash fic” rules would have you believe.  And I know my own experiences don’t conform to a lot of that stuff either.

So, I think stereotypes are bad, whether it’s “real gay men do X” or “real gay men don’t do x” or whatever.  I always think sex is best when it has a realistic grounding, but at the end of the day this isn’t a textbook.  It’s supposed to be sexy and romantic and hot.  (Except, I guess, for when it isn’t.)  

And ultimately there are only so many ways for human beings to get off.  I mean, yanno, props can add variety, but ultimately there aren’t that many sex acts.  That’s almost never the point of the story.  ‘Dude has an orgasm’ just isn’t very interesting unless we are made to care about that dude and how he FEELS about his orgasm.  And that’s almost always the actual point.

Everything about this is gold.

“Everyone is stupid about sex” is the truest shit on here.

It’s supposed to be entertaining in whatever way the writer is going for: hot, fluffy, romantic, awkward, frightening. One thing I’m pretty sure no writer is going for is boring. Putting all sorts of new “rules” on who is privileged to write certain kinds of sex is a recipe for dull writing.

So: the latest research indicates that the substantial majority of women simply cannot reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.  

Meanwhile, in my extremely scientific survey of the field, in ninety percent of porn written by men, the D alone is enough to get things done.  Even when a woman is getting fingered, it’s usually just as a form of penetration, not involving clitoral stimulation at all, or only incidentally.

Do we constantly beat up on male writers for this unbelievably unrealistic depiction of m/f sex?  No.  It’s rarely even mentioned.  In fact, we are so willing to indulge the male fantasy about what gives women pleasure, and so willing to privilege that over reality, that many women have never heard the truth.

I personally tend not to care for explicitly unrealistic sex in otherwise realistically-pitched stories, because then the author’s inexperience is like an awkward third party hanging around the room.  But let’s not pretend it’s a form of oppression.  Or, if we’re going to start using that analysis, let’s not act like slash is one of the lead offenders.

UNPOPULAR OPINIONS:

Since we’re talking about fiction, consider for a moment that the sex in a story is FANTASY sex. FANTASY SEX is allowed to be better than the real thing, otherwise, why bother?

SEX has to be true to the characters and the story. Period.

Is your character a slightly gormy virgin? Is your character a fuckshaman? Does your character have nonstandard equipment? Does your character have a sexuality that wouldn’t fit on a normal questionnaire?

All those things will come into play when writing the sex scenes.

And it’s okay for the sex to e better than it would be in real life. Really, everybody can have simultaneous orgasms and explode into rainbow unicorns and kittens.

You’re the writer, you can do it.

honestly i have nothing to add here other than that the last point is the best, and meatbeat fantasy fanfiction should NEVER be held to random progressive sex ed standards, because that’s an insane obligation for a hobby? it doesn’t have to be realistic and it doesn’t even have to be good. things can just, like, exist.

this is the best post on this hellsite

“‘Dude has an orgasm’ just isn’t very interesting unless we are made to care about that dude and how he FEELS about his orgasm.” I feel like this is the entire essence of slash fic, or at least why i write it anyway.