Every morning I wake up and go to the gym, I come home, I play my vinyl, my John Coltrane. That’s just how I start my day … I’ve been doing it for years, and in six years I’m going to do a John Coltrane biopic. I have to.
Aries: I’m not gonna be buried in a grave. When I’m dead, just throw me in the trash.
Taurus: Oh, look at me! The millionaire who goes to see doctors!
Gemini: I shoulda popped my shirt off. Goddammit, really shoulda popped that shirt off.
Cancer: Wanna go get sweaty in the bathroom?
Leo: Is your cat making TOO MUCH NOISE ALL THE TIME?
Virgo: You’re a master of karate and friendship for everyone
Libra: I eat stickers all the time, dude.
Scorpio: I browned out that evening.
Sagittarius: Well, I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left. I’m gonna get real weird with it.
Capricorn: I got my Magnum condoms; I got my wad of hundreds. I’m ready to plow.
Aquarius: I’m relaxing, I’m getting blackout drunk, and you’re leaving me alone.
Pisces: I hear the guy hangs dong and I’m very interested in seeing that.
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